Why didn't I celebrate my birthday today?

 

Why didn't I celebrate my birthday today?

Why is my heart sad and worried?  Why is my mental state not good? The main cause is that I lost my mother.  My mother left me and went to heaven.  God took my happiness away.  Now I will never meet my beloved mother at home again.  The whole world is full of darkness .  I had even assumed that mother would die suddenly.  About 27 years ago I had lost my father in late childhood.

 It is impossible to ascertain the extent of the harm that time causes to man.  Lets me eat and eat, let's get hurt and keep accounts, I have not been able to curse as per my wish.  After life has been clothed with happiness and laughter, the loss of those who lost it has become a mere comparison to life, for which there is no body to compensate for the loss. 

 Repentance is such a thing that it doesn't make me cry.  Since the thought is not forgivable, it is just a childish fool.  Neither day nor night is felt, only life is felt by puppies.  May the true devil who brings only one life suffer repeated attacks like this!  Actually, he didn't feel anything wrong, that's why!  Hun feels like Narjivalai.  The tongue started hurting others one by one, you have no choice but to be with the people.  Sahdai went quietly.  Slowly the curtains are drawn, to be tolerated and not heard.

Sometimes you regret having a job.  Most of the time after Dashai Tihar, I spent time at home with my son and wife.  I really wanted to meet my mother.  I used to think that I could be with all my brothers and sisters.  If only everyone could live closer by adding land near Tarai house.  When he came home, he would meet his mother.  But what to do mother Kathmandu home I have to come to Danda home.  I used to feel sad while video chatting with my mother.  There was no solution.  

How did the mind believe or was the mind turned to stone?  After that, I could not do anything but call.  Every day the mother was melting.  There was no one to give me the courage to try to save myself.  I could do nothing but ask for news.  Perhaps the life of the mother's heart was running out.  Sahila dai left when mother fell ill.  I couldn't go, I was struggling with my own job.  After mother went to Kathmandu, the days became more burdensome.  My family came to live in Tarai house.

  Sometimes he gets angry with his words.  More than that with yourself.  The days that followed and my mother's words that still don't let me sleep today.  Every evening and morning, Babu Shankar my mother used to say, "Don't fight, for family property and manage your brothers as well as  help brothers."  Mother said I have a headache and stomach ache.  She asked to meet.  Every moment you think about someone other than me.  She did nothing but console her mother saying that she will come.  Maybe there were many things in my mind that I wanted to say.  It had been 2 months since I went to Kathmandu to meet my mother.  It's not that I didn't have the heart, but there was some compulsion that I couldn't point out some difficulty.  It was probably a lifelong regret.  There should be no other obligation for me than my mother.  One day, my sister-in-law called me and said, 'Where are you?  If you come once, you will regret it for the rest of your life instead of coming back tomorrow.  My heart wanted to go, but I was getting ahead of myself.  What if he didn't go to the place he wanted?  Sometimes the same ambush happens.  When I called my sister-in-law, she said that it was okay. Her words were probably spontaneous.  When My fourth eldest brother went Kathmandu home  to meet her and said that she is fine, and Mother calmed down a bit.  I  began to talk less with  mother, he used to call his sister-in-law and ask, and the answer would come.  Sometimes we used to make video calls and talk. Today, mother used to say that your father will come to call you.

My late father  could not live alone, so he took his my mother with him.  I didn't talk to my mother for three days. I told her that I will come on Friday.  My younger sister's words that I should go anyway, my mind was spinning.  I thought that time would pass quickly.  The relaxed body of the mother could not be tightened.  Day and night, my mind was faster than other days.

 It was like a heart attack.  My mind was waiting for Friday.  At 8.30 in the morning on January 2nd, Sahila Dai made a video chat from Patan Hospital. Mother's voice was silent.  Brother said come later.  But at 11 o'clock my brother's phone rang, but he didn't come to wake me up, I just kept looking.  The hands and feet were all cold. The nurse picked up the second phone call and said that the mother is very sick.  Thachakk sat on the ground.  There is no courage to stand up.  I was at Didiko's to eat.  He reached the room upstairs.  Ready to go to Kathmandu.  My life is over.  Only black clouds started moving around in the sky.  A lifetime of regrets that will never go away.  The mind was empty.  Shankar's mother's words kept echoing in her ears.  These ears, which never heard, will never again receive the touch of that hand full of love.  Mother had lost all the happiness, courage and love that was left in her life.  I was crying and ready to go to Kathmandu, but there was no vehicle.  His health was not good and he was suffering from cold and chest pain.  He recalled that after reaching Dhading, an Eicher truck delivered Dhading and made a gun.  I reached home.  I didn't have the words or the courage to say that I came, mother.  Mother was sleeping forever.  He sat next to his mother, holding her legs.  She was thinking that she was going to speak, but her feet were silent, but my mother was saying it.  I thought that you have become strict like others, but you are not strict, but I was.  You made it all alone, mother, you alone.  No, those who always shout that you don't love me, are silent today.  Alas, I was the only one in your eyes, from where you began to cry one by one of my happiness.  He did not know that he had reached home, but he was unconscious.  Instead of my mother, who always waited for me when I came, there were other people on the porch.  In front of me was a lifeless body that became limp because it could not bear the injury given by God.  Sarsar went inside and hugged the children and started reminding me that from today I am also a complete orphan.