Stressed in Conjugal Relationship ? Match up & Patch up Your Expectations Together

 

Stressed in Conjugal  Relationship ?  Match up & Patch up Your  Expectations Together.

                                        

 What do Husband and Wife's Expectations ?

 After work, the husband returns home from work and changes his clothes.  The wife says that the clothes he is wearing should be kept in order.  He throws shoes on one side, tie on the other and his inner wear in the corners.  Coats, points are thrown everywhere. These uncomfortable circumstances seeds the unfriendly environment.

 As soon as he comes home, the husband knows that his wife is in a bad mood.  They start arguing with each other.  There is only a small quarrel. The pretext of the quarrel was nothing special.  But there was a fight between them.  The conversation ended. Both are waiting who will come in front to convince. The romance becomes closed and dispute enters.In particular, there seems to huge gap in expectations of each other.  They start to blame eachother. They carelessly points the weaknesses of eachother without any justification .They may be suffering from lack of clarity and indulge in doubts and dilemma .

The wife always demands punctual, discipline and love from her husband . The husband also hopes his wife should do  work hard as much as she could. He dreams of "welcome at home", everyday by his sweet wife.

 This scene  shows in many family nowadays . Many couples have not easy understanding in the households problems. Thus,  a couple fights regularly .There is a saying prevalent in Nepali society, ‘The quarrel between husband and wife  is a fire of straw.’ It is understood that the quarrel between husband and wife is taken as a simple matter .  Often, such conflicts are instantaneous and very troublesome in conjugal relationship.

The Cause of Conflict on Relationship: 

 The husband wants his wife to have many qualifications. He forecasts she must be attractive, talkative, polite and humble, patient, forgiving, prudent, educated, mature, creative, loving. Similarly , the wife wants her husband  to be successful in every way.  She further dreams of her husband as  rich, capable, strong, patient, mighty, educated, intellectual. But not all people are perfect.  People have their own strengths and weaknesses.  But when couples fail to identify the pros and cons of each other, their expectations raises in high level.  The unlimited  expectations  makes fragile  the marital relationship. It can lead them into separation.

 Dr.Ranjita Baral who is now at  B.P. Koirala Health & Science Institute in Dharan  says that the couple will quarrel if they do not understand and accept each other.  

 According to her , the main reason for problems in the relationship is the feeling that both of them have to win, the habit of expecting too much from each other.  Not being able to accept each other's existence, lack of respect, having to win on their own, etc. create problems in married life. '

 It is very common for husbands and wives to expect each other after marriage.  But it is not possible to seek perfection in everything you expect in your life.

Expectations of Wife : 

 The God  has created different natures of men and women.  According to science also  their chromosomes are different, their temperament and nature are different from each other.

 Women are more emotional than men.  Women expect her male partners to understand them rather than express their feelings.  A woman  expects her husband to take care of her and also to propose sex.  She expects her husband to give her time, make fun of her, take care of her, respect her, give her priority etc.  But a woman never says these things openly.  She wants her husband to understand her inner feelings . She hopes for better relationship.

  Modern females want to be financially independent but also emotionally dependent.  The husband wants her to treat him like a child when he has a dispute.  Besides this,  the wife wants her husband to care  her, support her, love her to return home as soon as the office or business is over daily. 

 Husband's Expectations

 Often men prefer to respect themselves.  They do not like to insult by wives as well as speak in front of others and disrespect them.  A husbands expects to be cared for and respected by his beloved wife. They also think that their decision is right  and expect his beautiful wife  to agree with the decisions.

 The husband's always dreams  his wife must be a tolerant and faithful woman.  He wants his wife to create a peaceful environment in the home, to be more accommodating than to argue, to take care of the family, to be sensible lady when speaking and working. He expects that she has  to show love and kindness to all family members .

 An attentive wife provides happiness and unity in  the family.  In front of the family, the husband does not want to humiliate by his wife, he hopes  to respect, to give importance to the family rather than his own ambitions.

How to solve?

 The practice of seeking marriage counseling before weeding ceremony is not there in  Nepal. According to Dr. Baral,   the counselor gives advice on how to move forward in the future and how to deal with the situation when the love affair abroad turns into marriage. 

 Similarly, the habit of reviewing one's shortcomings, hazards and comparing oneself with others must be removed.  "We have to move towards solving the problem by sharing responsibilities by discussing family matters , just like we let others put our feet in our shoes," says Doctor Baral.

You should  rather than winning the argument,  behave with love and laughter, abandon the mentality that your words should win, and talk openly and clearly  about sex.